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Put yourself in their shoes 
Be honest and open about how difficult it is for you trying to be a good parent, trying to get it right, yet allowing them the freedom to grow up and make their own mistakes. Advise yourself Your list may be different. We all respond in different ways. Parents can’t always be right. But we can do better. Talk about your own use of drugs or alcohol Remember that you’re doing it for them. Help them feel you really care about their welfare, rather than your own worries. Don’t wait for a crisis Get to know your children better before they become teenagers. Get into the habit of discussing important things with them, even if only briefly. Raise the drugs issue as you see useful articles, or hear items on the news. Bring drugs issues into normal conversation. It says here that lots of young people are offered drugs at school. Is that true, or just scaremongering from journalists? And listen to their replies – even if you don’t agree.
They’ll respect you more for listening to them, than for your
opinions.
Middle: Mention the things you’d prefer were not happening. End: Remind them again of what you like or love about them. Back to top Focus on Behaviour From where your daughter is sitting there’s a huge difference between: you are stupid, rather than: I find what you are doing unacceptable If you choose to criticise, be careful to focus on their behaviour not them as a person. Talk to them when you're calm It's easy to have a row, shout at each other and make threats. But you won't get past how you're feeling if you're emotional. Get calm and talk through the issues. What's the problem? What do you want them to do? What do they need from you? "I thought I was being very clear about what I saw were the problems - why does he get so stoned all the time?" The Wise avoid the Why’s? Why? It puts people on the defensive. They might not know why they do five pills / have risky sex / owe the dealer money they haven't got. When people hear the question 'Why?', especially in a situation where they think you might be hostile, it makes them think they are being judged; that they have to defend themselves. Why did you do that? What sort of response will that get? Think about it, if someone at work asked you that question, wouldn’t you feel you were being asked to defend your position, rather than having to actually provide neutral information? Back to top Ask useful questions If you really want useful information that you can do something with, ask questions beginning How, When, What, Where? It can get the conversation moving and you won't simply get a Yes or No answer. Wouldn’t you really like to understand what it’s like for your son or daughter? What exactly is it like, when you take the drug? Be honest about your own feelings Look after yourself You can’t look after others if you are not up to it. You must look after your own health. Take time out from the problem, even if it’s only a few minutes to watch the TV or go for a walk. If things are difficult, you’ll tackle them better if you feel OK. See I’m OK, You’re OK Back to top What to do next: |
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